Wow. It’s been almost a year since I had my last post. SO much life has happened. I can’t even begin to write everything that has happened. I feel an overwhelming need to write. To pour out some of what is in my heart. My heart is full. I have learned much in this last year. I have learned a lot about other people and even more about myself. I haven’t liked everything I’ve learned. The Lord has revealed a lot and as hard as some of it has been I am thankful he has taken me through it and brought me to the other side. Life is a never ending lesson. One that won’t end until I am face to face with my savior. Life can get overwhelming. It can feel like a never ending ocean where we are tossed to and fro by its waves. There is so much evil in this world. So many things to be worried by. But take heart.
Our heavenly father has overcome this world.
He alone is over it all.
He has a plan.
Even when we can’t see it.
One of the things I’ve been seeing in myself is the fact I worry. I over think everything. I’m positive for everyone but myself. I think over what could go right, but more often I think of what could go wrong. I do that to prepare myself. To try and figure out how I can take control of the situation. Instead of simply trusting. Simply trusting my Father in heaven who sent his only Son to die for my sins.
He loves me.
That is so hard to even begin to wrap my arms around. He loves me, a sinner, and no matter what he asks me to walk through, He has promised to be by my side and never leave me. Ever. He never said this life would be easy. In fact he promised hardships and trials. This fallen world is full of them. I know though, without a shadow of a doubt he will be there holding me.
I want to stand before my Jesus with open hands, but to often I stand with clenched fists. Willing to trust him with most, but not willing to trust with everything. That’s what my actions far to often convey to Him.
I worry oh how I worry. My brain gets to over thinking every little thing to the point where it sucks out the joy in my life. It affects the relationships around me. Like I said earlier this is often a coping mechanism so as to not be disappointed when the bad things do come along. I’ve been battling against this over this last summer. I want to have my mind renewed by the Lord. I want to get my thinking right. I know worry is straight from the pit of hell. A tactic from the enemy, one used to take my mind of of Christ and onto the problem. This past week has been full of fears and worries, but something special happened just a few days ago. I was babysitting two very special kiddos and I once again noticed a journal lying on their kitchen counter. It’s been there every time I’ve watched their children. It’s a book of little blessings. Each with a number. Right now the book is filled with over 2500 blessings. Simple things. Big things. The woman writing the journal is someone who I admire and love very much. I am blessed over and over by her love for her family and most importantly her Love for her Savior. Later that night I came across a journal I’ve had for years. When I say years I’m talking close to 10. I’ve never used it. Always saving it for something special. I finally found something worth using it for. It is now a book for little blessings. I don’t want to miss out on a single blessing.
They are all around us. In the beauty of a Kansas sunset, in the joy of little kids giggles, watching my sister look at her man with eyes full of love, they are in the simple joy of the smell of freshly ground coffee, the simple beauty of wild flowers, the striking beauty of a creek flowing through the mountains, the love of my family and being cared for by someone special. They are there even in the midst of pain. I don’t want to focus on the negative anymore. I want to focus on His beauty. To fully revel in Christ and His Love.
I know it’s something that may take a lifetime to work through, but I want to battle through it and live fully fulfilled in Christ. I want nothing more than to fall more and more in love with my Savior. I’m only 50 things in, but I feel a change a coming. Today was filled with more problems and worries of life, but after talking with Jesus, two very special friends and tonight writing in my book I can feel a change. My heart is filled with peace again. It’s filled with joy.
Because tonight I am choosing to trust. I’m choosing to find the joy. I’m choosing to find the blessings he has waiting for me.
So I encourage you, find the little blessings in life.